


This is Not a romantic story

by topumasum



Category: Original Work
Genre: Blog, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:29:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28363191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/topumasum/pseuds/topumasum
Summary: I was always a tough kid. Up until the age of 25, my head was buried in nothing but education and career. Sexism of every kind had molded me into this no-nonsense girl that gave no dime of her time to anyone. I looked at nothing but my future ahead of me.This “Future” entailed a good degree, a stable job and financial independence. Having a man in my life was never a goal. In fact, I was actively trying to avoid it. I never dated or had a crush on anyone. To be honest, I just detested it due to childhood experience with misogyny and sexual harassment of every sort. I was sure that I wouldn’t be able to tolerate a man’s existence in my life.I had experienced every kind of pain – or, at least, that’s what I thought. I had been sexually harassed, bullied at school, humiliated at work and couldn’t accept my PhD offer with stipend due to visa rejection. But…this was not the end, as it seemed. Life had more in store for me.This is not a story where the main character suffers and then finds happiness in the end.This is not a story where a victim finds justice after all the horrible things done to her.This is not a story where a girl learns to love...This is Not a romantic story.





	This is Not a romantic story

His name was Simon. And we argued the first time we met.

I met him at a house party of an acquaintance in the dorm we were living in. This acquaintance was holding a pillow fight at his room with some friends and friends-of-friends. I didn't know everyone save two, one of whom was my classmate. Another, was a friend of another classmate, and she and I got along really well. Her name was Mina.

According to the acquaintance, Simon had a crush on Mina after first sight - which was desperate, in my opinion. 

He was late at the party and at that time, almost everyone left save few. He was chubby and tall and looked typically European - blond and blue. Nothing special. But I understood finally why Mina didn't care about his crush on her. He was just...plainly put, unappealing. His personality was brash and very patronizing. 

His logic justified colonization of the Europeans, targeted people in poverty for not caring about the environment and basically, he was just ignorant. I didn't like him. 

How did I fall in love with this piece of shit?

Simple...

I kept seeing him in pubs and bars with different girls and I genuinely thought they were all friends. How wrong I was...

Despite being a horrible person, we got along really well because we could have intellectual conversation. Or rather, I would put some sense into him and he would genuinely admit to have learned something. These hangouts were mainly in groups which soon turned into solo hangouts. We started taking long walks after a night at the pubs. At this point, he shared his past with me. His father's neglect and his ex girlfriend breaking his heart made him what he was - aloof and oblivious. I empathized him because my father had done the same. This was where we found a common ground to bond and I started seeing him in a different light. And soon, he would take this chance to turn his attention to me.

"I want to hug you"

"You are gorgeous"

"I want to hold you to my chest"

"I want to kiss you"

"I love you."

I dismissed all of them. I just couldn't take it seriously despite the fact that I was looking to hang out with him every night. I liked his company and the walks and talks I had with him. I would get slightly upset if he couldn't make time for me. But I still didn't realise what this feeling was until I saw him casually talking to another girl near my dorm.

I realised that I was in love.

But I didn't know what to do with this.

I wasn't sure about anything until Simon pulled me to his lips at one morning in his apartment. I ended up there after a night at the pub where his friends were also present. After the pub, his friends went home and I decided to walk him home, like usual. He had invited me to his place many times but I always refused. This time, I didn't. I didn't know what I was thinking or hoping. Whatever I was expecting, this was not it. I was not expecting this...

So I left, unable to continue anything. The night before was long and I was tired. I was not ready for it but I was sure that I was in love with him. 

We didn't see each other for 3 days but we messaged each other. I invited him to walks multiple times, hoping to salvage something but he was always busy. And I believed it. After 3 grueling days, I saw him at a pub with his group of friends and that was the night I decided to trust him.

It was...odd. I had not done this before. I was scared, nervous and just...afraid of the consequences. What if I do this and he betrays me? At the age of 25, never have been touched by a man like this...this was just scary. I was losing a part of myself to a man I was deeply in love with. 

And I did...

And he threw that part of me away into fire.

It took me 2 weeks after that night to realise that he never wanted me. He merely wanted to try me because I was a virgin. It was almost as if he wanted to try a virgin again, and on top of that a brown girl - exotic. All those stories about his father, heart break and his 'pain' were just to get me to trust him.

He just wanted to try...nothing else. 

This was just the beginning of my suffering.


End file.
